Dear Amy: A while ago, I gave my good friend “Cheryl” some very expensive designer clothes that I thought she would like, but they were too big for her.
With my permission, she showed them to a few other people I know, one of whom apparently took the clothes with pleasure.
My friend told her I didn’t want any money for the clothes, but she suggested a bottle of wine would be a nice thank you.
I saw this woman in passing several times and not a single word of thanks was given.
I started to send shivers down her spine, but I don’t think she notices.
I shouldn’t mind, but it does, so I thought I’d tell her the reason why I’m ignoring her.
By the way, I don’t like it anyway!
Should I just give up?
Dear down: Your story reminds me of the well-known thought experiment: If you deliver a cold shoulder, but the recipient doesn’t notice, is the shoulder still cold?
I know you understand that when you voluntarily gave up these items, they ceased to be yours.
Since these garments have gone through an intermediary, it is possible that this recipient will not realize that the garments really come from you.
It’s also possible that she sold the clothes she received, made a mint, and is now walking around town feeling pretty good about her choices.
You don’t seem to have a positive relationship with her, and so the stakes are different than if you had a longtime friendship to worry about.
The next time you see this person, approach them and say, âCheryl told me she passed on some of my clothes to you. I wonder how they are doing?
Depending on how she responds, you can add, âIt was hard to say goodbye to things I love. I was glad they landed in a good home, but honestly, I’m disappointed you never acknowledged or thanked him.
Dear Amy: I am a 30 year old female, happily married to my husband “Randy”.
We are decorating our new home with a view to starting a family.
However, I have been very busy at work. My mother-in-law, âKathleenâ, offered to help around the house.
I’m very grateful.
However, when I got home from work last week, I discovered that Kathleen had decorated an entire wall in our bedroom with nearly 20 photos from my husband’s life, mostly from his childhood.
This includes several (six) photos from his marriage to his ex-wife, “Sharon” and their life together.
I took action and called her immediately.
Am I wrong to yell at him on the phone?
Kathleen and Sharon are still very close, and I understand why she included her on the wall, but it still makes me very uncomfortable.
What do you think?
Dear Furious: The only thing you did wrong here was “playing” and yelling at your mother-in-law on the phone. I understand your reaction, but you invited her to this task, and when it comes to a new mother-in-law, you must think first and then act, when you are calm and more in control.
In short, in the future, try not to lose it.
Unlike you, I don’t quite understand why your mother-in-law chose to post your husband’s first wedding photos or pictures with his ex on your bedroom wall. It’s a strange choice. The bedroom is the most intimate room in your home. Exes have no place in the bedroom.
At least his choice was in questionable taste. At most, it was an aggressive maneuver.
It’s your house ! Rather than yelling at your mother-in-law about this choice, you could have simply removed those photos and placed them in a closet â to be dealt with later.
If you had more control, you might have said, â’Kathleen,’ thank you for your help around the house. I appreciate it. But the only wedding photos I’m going to display in our bedroom are my own.
If your stepmom chooses to maintain a close friendship with her former stepdaughter, there’s not much you can do about it.
Dear Amy: I hate to see all the letters you send to readers who don’t like you or what you do. Why don’t you throw out more glowing responses?
I like what you do!
Dear Fan: I get a lot of compliments and I appreciate them all.
This one is for you.
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